Online Dating True Stories
True Story - It's A Matter Of Trust
It's A Matter Of Trust
Sent in by JW, Nebraska
I probably wouldn't have
even known she had done it had it not been for a friend of mine in chat.
This friend asked me what I had meant the day before when I was chatting
about having a little fun. She wanted to know if I had been hitting
on her - something totally out of character for me. I told her I hadn't
even been on-line the entire day and didn't know what the heck she was
talking about. That's when she said "I kind of thought it wasn't you. But
it was definitely your handle - AND your icon. Still, whomever was using
it didn't sound a bit like you. Do you think someone may have stolen your
password for this place?"
It was shortly after this
I checked my email and discovered several pieces of my mail marked as "read"
that I had never seen before... There was only one person in the world
I had given my password to, but surely she wouldn't have done this?
All I could think at the
time was that I, of all people, had been "hacked". Well, the hacker must
have had a pretty boring time of it all. I'd bet my mail was a major disappointment
if he/she thought there would be any information regarding the portfolios
I was currently working on. As a stockbroker I kept confidential information
on an encrypted server - including any mail between myself and my clients.
Still, the fact that someone would go so far as to impersonate me in a
public chat room disturbed me. I was always careful to be polite to all
my on-line friends since trust is important on-line. This person could
end up making me look like a total jerk.
I went back to chat and talked
to a few of my other friends discovering more had seen me. The guys wanted
to know why I had ignored them and the women, well, they were kind of wondering
what was up. One of the women I normally avoided because of her liking
for "cybers__" came on really strong. I told her by private message that
I wasn't interested and she typed back "That wasn't how you felt yesterday,
sweetie." Some of the other nicer women were being a bit cool with me too,
not saying much to me.
To make a long story short
I did find out what had happened. Mary, my RL girlfriend, was responsible
for it all. I mentioned the situation to her at dinner a few nights later
and the look she gave me told me she was involved. Mary and I had been
seeing each other for 3 months - she had moved to my area (against my advice)
a few months after we had met on-line and become close... to be closer
to me, she had said. When I pressed her for more information that night
she finally broke down and told the whole story.
It was a matter of trust,
she said. To be precise, she hadn't trusted who I was "seeing" in chat
and wanted to know what I was up to talking to and emailing all these women.
Mary claimed she probably wouldn't have done it at all had her girlfriend
not put her up to it.
It took me a few weeks to
get over the disappointment I felt. Mary and I were going to marry, we'd
already discussed this part of our relationship, and here, behind my back,
she was hacking into my "private" on-line world ... my place of fun and
relaxation. Now it was my trust that became an issue. I wrote to a few
of my more trusted friends, using my encrypted personal account from work,
to ask advice. As expected, most came back to say "Get rid of her - QUICK!"
but I couldn't do this.
I guess, even though I felt
so abused there was still something in the relationship I was clinging
to... We'd put a lot of time and effort into it and I guess I would feel
pretty bad to see that thrown away. I'd been through a divorce already,
no kids involved - thankfully. I already knew what it was like to be totally
alone. I remembered the things that had attractd me to Mary in the first
place, like the fact she was a counsellor helping so many others. I admired
her wisdom when dealing with psychological issues. I liked her sense of
humour... so many things.
It took us a few months working
through both of our "trust" issues. We did it - eventually. She explained
her insecureties. I explained my need for space now and then. We worked
it out and will eventually get married too. At least now we have a deeper
understanding of eachother and our needs having been through this incident.
I know some of my other on-line friends are still shaking their heads about
my decision (or should I say our decision?) to keep the relationship. All
I can say is, love is a strange power indeed.
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