The minister was passing a group of young teens sitting on the Church lawn and stopped to ask what they were doing. 

"Nothing much Pastor." replied the one lad.  "We're just seeing who can tell the biggest lie about their sex life." 

"Boys !  Boys !  Boys !" he intoned.  "I'm shocked.  Why when I was your age, I never even thought about sex at all." 

They all replied, pretty much in unison, "You win Pastor !" 
 

My Appetite is my Shepherd 
  
My appetite is my shepherd, I always want. 
It maketh me sit down and stuff myself. 
It leadeth me to my refrigerator repeatedly, 
Sometimes during the night, It leadeth me in the path of Burger King for a Whopper. 
It destroyeth my shape. 
Yea, though I knoweth I gaineth, I will not stop eating, For the food tasteth so good. 
The ice cream and the cookies, they comfort me. 
When the table is spread before me, it exciteth me. For I knoweth that I sooneth shall dig in. 
As I filleth my plate continuously, My clothes runneth smaller. 
Surely bulges and pudgies shall follow me All the days of my life. 
And I shall be "pleasingly plump" forever. 
  
Let's eat! 
 

A little girl was in church with her mother when she started feeling ill. 

"Mommy," she said, "can we leave now?" 

"No," her mother replied. 

"Well, I think I have to throw up!" 

"Then go out the front door and around to the back of the church and throw up behind a bush." 

After about 60 seconds the little girl returned to her seat. 

"Did you throw up?" Mom asked. 

"Yes." 

"How could you have gone all the way to the back of the church and returned so quickly?" 

"I didn't have to go out of the church, Mommy. They have a box next to the front door that says, 'For the Sick.'"